ONLY WHEN I SCREAM by E.V. LIND

Author:E.V. LIND [LIND, E.V.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: SUPERNATURAL SUSPENSE
Publisher: Dolce Vita Trust
Published: 2019-05-06T16:00:00+00:00

Twenty

El Granada, July 1888

Dearest Mother,

My body grows round with the child inside me and I feel quite misshapen. Very little of my clothing fits, even with all the weight I have lost. I am ill less often now and Caroline continues to force tonics and teas upon me. I don’t believe they do me any good but she is most insistent.

Now that I can move occasionally without being unwell, she ensures that I walk around the gallery off which the bedrooms are situated. I do not wish to go outside. The weather has become hot and sticky and as so little of my clothing now fits. I cannot bear the idea of being fitted for anything new so I spend my days in a robe and night rail. I have enough pride left that I do not wish others to see me in such deshabille.

After that awful incident last month, I have insisted that the connecting door between Caroline’s and my room remains closed between us at night. I have no wish to see or hear such abhorrent things again. She has tried to explain to me of the pleasures of the flesh and that she can show me or teach me how to find pleasure myself so that I can show Richard how to pleasure me after the babe is born.

I am disgusted beyond belief. I feel that she has finally shown her true colors to me. That she is a sordid hedonist and not at all the genteel lady she presented as when first she arrived.

I have told Richard I have no need of her but he chastised me for being over-wrought by my illness and instructed me that Caroline is to stay. On the rare occasions I am well enough to venture downstairs it is obvious to me now that he is enthralled by her.

I have no idea what to do, dearest Mother. Did my father ever show blatant interest in other women? If so, how did you manage it? I have scoured my memory but I cannot remember any time when my father was not kind and affectionate toward you. Richard appears to care for me, but only insofar as I am carrying his heir. He is convinced I carry a son. I hope it is so in order that I will not have to endure this revolting state again. I cannot believe I wished this upon myself.

Last night I thought I heard Caroline’s laughter again. I rose and put my ear to the connecting door but it was silent on the other side. I opened my outer bedroom door and heard her more clearly from further down the hall—from Richard’s bedroom. I confronted Richard about this but he told me I was imagining things. He assures me that he only has need of one woman in his life and that is me.

I remain unconvinced. After I spoke with him, Caroline gave me the strangest look, one akin to that of a cat who has just caught and eaten a mouse and is well satisfied with themselves.

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